o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
