How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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