i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
