This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
