dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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