She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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