Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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