I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
