I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my liver is dry heaving
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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