she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
