He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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