I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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