i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
