don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i came on her dog
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
