i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
