may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
