Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
