I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
