Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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