soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
