could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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