I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
