Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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