Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
