I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
