Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
