I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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