THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize