dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
