what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize