Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
