holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
