I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize