I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
