theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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