i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
