I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
