he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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