this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
