Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
