my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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