I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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