Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
