I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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