1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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