Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Alive.
So much puke
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
