I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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