i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
