first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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