how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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