grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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