I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
