in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
