Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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