You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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