You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
