guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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