Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
