Welp...herpes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
