i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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