you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
