I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
