Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
