Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize