Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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