You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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